---OK, so as most of you brothers know by now, my Step Dad (Dennis) passed in Nov. of 07, about 3 weeks before Turkey Day. It was a pretty rough blow to me, rather hard to deal with and even up to today, I can still struggle with it, I think of him often and he should know, even though I fuck up in a lot of ways, that I miss him terribly.
Well time has gone on and Ive learned to deal w/ it in my own ways. Some are not so good and healthy. I was just talking about this to my therapist this AM. To make a super long and drawn out story short, my Mom has kinda, sorta showed a tiny bit of interest in the Youth Pastor at her church. Several people are aware of it. No one has made a move yet, nor am I saying one will be made at all. The youth pastor is a good man. Hes caring, funny and has a good heart.
I have pissed on my territory already and have put up walls. I agree w/ the fact that you cant put a time limit on how long someone should or shouldnt wait before getting back out there again after your spouse passes away. My Mom is an honorable woman. Shes attractive, smart and very caring.
I just have a very very hard time seeing her with anyone new. It makes me nervous, mad, upset and on edge. I cant expect for her to put her life on hold if she feels its time to "get back out there" or whatever, but it would be very hard for me. Den was here, as my Father during the real hard, shit years of my life with all the drugs, the lies and all that. I dont think I could take another order from a male in that position without laughing in his face.
My therapist and I talked about this this AM while in session and she understood my uneasiness.
My Mom and I are in a unique living situation because I am disabled and cant live on my own. My Mom has said that if they ever started to "date", that certain things would have to be addressed first in order to see where things are gonna go.
Ugh, shit. Ill keep you guys posted.---
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
5 comments:
Sounds like you are closer to accepting your mothers new life than you may realize. I am sure seeing her happy must have a real positive effect on you.
This was a very personal post, I feel privileged to have been a part of your sharing.
Thanks my brother. Yeah, its not like I can stop it and I DO wanna see my Mom happy, thats the biggest thing I want to see. This just stirs up emotions in me Ive never had to feel or face before. Ive never been in this situation.
Like I said, it may OR may not happen, I just have to prepare myself if it does. Im not gonna be an ass about it, as these new feelings arise, Ill just talk 'em out w/ my Mom.
And like I said this guy is great, super huge heart and nothing but good will and intentions for everyone he comes in contact with.
Time will tell, Ill keep you posted by blogging about it as things come up.---
I agree with scott. it sounds to me like you got your shit together better than you realize. thanks for sharing.
Wow, thanks you guys. Its just a little raw spot for me right now, but the bottom line is I want her to be happy and my Step Dad would want her happy too.
you know guys, we have been talking about it more and more over the past few nights and yeah, its her time, its her time to fly again if she wants. Im allowed to have some odd feelings about it here and there, but I have NO right to try and stop it, she deserves happiness.
I got her back on this. And if any mother fucker breaks her heart, Ill just cut theirs out with a steak knife. Heh......
Crime dont pay kids, but it sure is fun....nah, Im just messin' with yas.
Post a Comment