Sat. Night Blues

---Well, my Ava is away at her Meemaws (Grandmas) pad just under 2 hrs. away from here and they'll be gone until Monday late afternoon, so this means the next two days will be dangerously boring for me. How has everyones weekend been so far? Mine has been quiet, just chilled w/ the monster child at the ex's store. I got the big stab to the heart lecture a few nights ago from the ex. She admitted to me she could not see herself loving me again, like I still love her now, so any chance of a romantic future is shot.

Fucking ouch.

Gonna take time gettin over this one, shes the mother of my girl, not some bar whore I just met 3 weeks ago at some dive, you know? Who knows, stranger things have happened, but Im just gonna have to learn to let go I guess. She has NO time for a "new" man, nor does she want one, but if the day comes and I see Ava in the arms of another man around my age it will take everything Ive got to not floor him. Just the thought of that fills me with over protective rage...I dont expect any of you to agree or understand me there.

Towards the end of the day here, the weather turned out to be pretty nice and I think tomorrow its gonna be like 83 and sunny, so Ill just live out on the back deck for the most part.

Any of you boys have summer vacations planned yet? I know with the cost of gas, my summer plans have changed drastically, how about yours? I heard that Chicago has the worst prices in the Nation too! My Mom is planning a solo trip to the Chicagoland area come July via Amtrak and Im just gonna stay behind and hang here. Her car is a little 4 cyl. that isnt fast enough for me and my car is a 6 which eats up too much gas on the road, so her going alone by train will be cheaper in the long run. Plus, to be dead honest, I dont wanna see my family up there. Too bad none of you would be up to a jaunt over to Iowa while shes gone, you could crash here and we could go out on a couple deadly drinkin binges for a few days.

I went 3 weeks w/out a ciggy, but totally fell off the wagon. I suck. That shits hard to knock. Stupid fucking little stick. I cant believe my Dad has been gone over 7 months now! Sometimes it feels like days, other times it feels like years. Theres still a few certain things I cant do without being reminded of him and ending up all misty. Sue me, Im human, I cry. Hell, certain Patsy Cline songs can make me cry.

As of late, I havent followed much of the political front. This past week, I was supposed to go see Obama speak w/ the ex and Ava, but the ex "banned" me from going with them out of fear of me getting mouthy and becoming belligerent and I cant blame her. So, I had no one else to go with so I didnt feel like being part of a 10,000 crowd alone. I am also shocked that that dumbass Hillary will not quit! Hell, I love it, makes her party look like a bunch of idiots. Some are saying Barak is gonna pick that bitch as his runnin mate, but I dont see that happening either. I would go w/ Richardson or Edwards if I were him. I wouldnt be shocked to see her get a place on his cabinet, but VP? um, no. I dunno WTF Im gonna do. I agree w/ a lot of McCain has to say, but enough to elect him? I dunno. Same for Obama. I agree with him on a few things, but vote for him? NO damn way. Im a registered Independent this time around, so I may toss my vote away and just vote that.

So, fill me in, whats up boys???---